shits and giggles

Some people like to talk about how if they didn’t have to go to work, they wouldn’t know what to do with all of their free time.

Folks, that’s just ridiculous.

For example, here’s my personal list describing how I would fill my time during the day while everyone else was at work:
-cook complicated recipes in preparation for extravagant dinner parties my friends would appreciate after a harrowing day at their jobs;
-prepare impossible and fantastic concerts/performances with to be presented in exciting concert venues to critical acclaim and an adoring fan base;
-Mod Podge all of the flat surfaces in my house/other people’s houses;
-maintain a garden/bonsai tree collection;
-keep up with every periodical in existence (crossword puzzles included);
-take loads of classes in fine arts and textiles;
-read post-modern literature about people in the middle of quarter-life-crises who I could identify with;
-read non-post-modern literature;
-work on my growing mental cache of esoteric information through the study of fencing, origami, harmonica, et cetera;
-see every museum exhibit, concert, play and movie that caught my fancy.

Places that I would frequent, according to season:
-spring: warm benches in the sun in Central Park next to (a) the pond with the toy boats or (b) the Alice in Wonderland statue;
-summer: traipsing the Earth’s distant climes;
-fall: cozy tea nooks with picture windows;
-winter: Straight Down South.

Straight down south. That’s right, kids.

It’s not that hard!
What’s on your list?

Since I don’t have a trust fund or a penchant for rich men, here are my potential get-rich-quick-and-run-while-being-in-denial schemes:
-edit copy (this should be a pinch after growing up in a grammar-Nazi household);
-write articles about things I like and print out 100 copies then send them to 100 different magazines;
-sell foot-fetish paraphernalia over the internet;
-round up as many unsuspecting flute students as possible and teach them until they are blue in the face;
-be the cool substitute teacher (very short term);
-make crafty things and sell them on etsy.com.

I would include my dream of being a waitress, but that has been quelled after my unsuccessful pan-New York search last summer, in which over 60 restaurants rejected my amorous advances.

I don’t have any New Year’s resolutions because coming up with them would require that I think really hard about 2007, which I would rather not do in all of its less-than-greatness. In fact, 2007 was pretty bad. 2008 hasn’t gotten off to the most promising start either. I would like to be positive regarding this situation, but it’s hard for one to concentrate on that during the present moment if you’re losing momentum in your career goals and you have dry skin and no boys love you and it’s winter in North America’s epicenter of whirling icy gusts.